(which happens to be one of erin’s FAV church songs)

ERIN: Ash Wednesday always makes the church feel like my exboyfriend.
ME: I agree but what keeps me going is my guilt (the abusive live-in boyfriend in my brain)

Listening to the Judiciary Hearing on marriage equality in NJ and the NCAAP super-star Julian Bond

“It would be the height of ungratefulness for us to say ‘Thanks for helping us straight people but we’re not going to do anything for you [gays, Bayard Rustin] ” – Julian Bond

Call / Email / Send a pigeon to petition for Civil Rights

“So I took my business – and it is a business – I have excellent health care – I took it to New York. I am now spending my money at a hospital in new york instead of giving the money to new jersey doctors”  – testimonial from Gina Postino

3:55 Catholic Church is speaking and i wish i turned it off – ugh

6:07 someone from the Knights of Columbus was about to speak but didn’t show. I’ve never been so thrilled. my dad and brother are knights and i can’t hear the position they take unless its supportive.

6:08: Jim White ala Knights is in the house. SHIT

6:10pm:  “we knights and our families” WHICH INCLUDE ME A GAY LADY!!!

8:23 pm : 2 nuts and 2 bolts = one big idiot

9:30pm isn’t the torture over yet?

oh man i wonder how many people on the opposite side were quoting this book http://pzrservices.typepad.com/vintageadvertising/2009/11/1962-textbook-when-you-marry.html

+ = no taxation w/out representation
has a nice ring to do – don’t ya think? I’m not quite sure how it happened but in between changing jobs and moving up in my career I have managed to make less money. I know its crazy! But I’m now in some morally policed tax bracket that says  I now make TOO much money and that I must  give all that extra dirty money away to people “less fortunate.”

Not included in this legislation is how much I donate yearly — around $300 – $500 liquid cash, plus $1000 or more in clothing/stuff donated, plus volunteering monthly as a Sexual Assault Response Team Advocate (1-2 weekends per month). Volunteering and giving back is not just apart of my vernacular but apart of my daily practice – ask my dad or Phyllis or my therapist – i do shit for others like ALOT and i enjoy it! however, new administrations decided that ANYONE regardless age or creed or gender, or ethnicity or conviction who makes over a certain dollar amount (which BTWS is a lot less than madoff stuff – I’m not even cracking 6 figures people!) gets to be taxed extra special taxes!!

Riddle me this Washington:

I’m grossing more at a manager level (read- advancing my career in a place I LOVE thus FAR! – have more responsibilities, longer hours, and generally more involvement in the final product) yet I’m netting $500 less per month. You follow? Me neither!

to top this off – I’m paying taxes at a city, state, and federal level that do not honor my sexuality as valid, my gender as equal, or violence against these two things as protected under the law. I’m seriously considering NOT paying until I’m represented in Washington. By automatically deducting these taxes from my pay check I am denied the opportunity to “petition the Government for a redress of grievances” (my inalienable first amendment right) in this country – Marrying the love of my life (no matter the gender) and receiving tax, medical, and legal benefits, PLUS protection when victimized for my gender &/or sexuality are just a few ways i would like to pursue my happiness (promised me in DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE for FUCKS SAKE!) – deny me this, than for what am I paying you?

if i was NOT already red from this weekend’s sunburn you would see me steaming like a tea kettle. completely enraging. and to top it off the people elected to USE MY TAX MONEY have their thumbs up their asses and are sitting around doing diddly. i encourage everyone to try that tactic at his/her own job – see how quickly you get fired – but elected gov officials? they can eff around all day long while your checks auto deduct the money you are sweating your tits off to make.

double g-r & happy effing 4th july to you too!

Thanks to the Defense of Marriage Act, the federal government isn’t required to recognize any local or state mandate about the legality of your relationship. Which means you don’t get any of those protections and benefits straight folks do. Out goes shared health benefits; in comes double premiums. Our goes surviving pension plans; in comes extra financial burden. NPR points to one couple, Melba Abreu and Beatrice Hernandez, who’ve “been together for 32 years and have paid nearly $20,000 more in taxes since their 2004 marriage than if they had been able to file a joint federal return.”

hat tip Queerty

M.Steele just hijacked what suze orman said when she received her GLADD Vito Russo Award way back in April!! He turned it on its head! she advised us gays to change our agenda focus esp in these tough economic times — and to make every dollar count: “I want every single one of you in this room to take note of what corporations put time and money behind gays and lesbians,” said Orman. “Invest in those companies that invest in you.”

TOP 10 REASONS WHY GAYS SHOULD NOT GET MARRIED:
1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in the world.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

hat tip

I often forget that “consent” is generally viewed as a ‘gray area’ — thank you defense attorneys! The new movie “Observe & Report” Rape & Assault opened this past weekend and based on network TV previews my dad & though I’m ashamed to admit it, I thought I might like to see the movie. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the theater for “I Love you Man” that I saw a longer more in depth preview for the movie. It looks inane. After the preview I knew I would not be paying money to see it in the theater (the explicit violence re:smashing kids faces in w/ skateboards put me on edge). However after coming across a few blogs and reviews of the film I can tell you that I will also change the channel if it ever makes it to TV.

Apparently there is a date rape scene in the film. I am a Sexual Assault Response Advocate so this is a subject on which I have several opinions. The movie studio who produced/green lit the film, the movie theaters agreeing to distribute it and many film goers, however, think I’m being “touchy” and that my views of consent are radical and that I should “lighten up” – it is billed as a comedy after all. a hetero sexual rated R comedy by the MPAA — see this film is not yet rated — But that’s another rant for another day…

I reviewed the blogosphere & defer to their arguments below —

Wait a second, he “forced” himself on her, but before he is done she gave consent? How does that make sense? And in any case, are we to believe that a woman who has been unconscious for the majority of a sexual encounter, and so drunk and drug-addled that she’s covered in vomit, is in the proper condition to be giving permission for anything? If she got behind the wheel of a car, she could kill someone and she would certainly be arrested for a DUI, yet this same woman is perfectly capable of telling someone—well after they’ve already started, mind you—“sure, go ahead and have sex with my barely conscious body?” I don’t think so. …

In this vein I presented my unhappiness to my co-workers over lunch. I forget that people are not aware of what exactly consent is and thus had the “what in consent” discussion. It was interesting to hear one female co-worker offer that “people are crazy, and sometimes girls get themselves into that situation and what’s a guy to do?” and “everyone has a need to express sexual tension/energy” — when I offered that arguments like hers conveniently protect the offender (i like to keep rape discussions genderless) and place responsibility on the person whom the sex act is being committed on/to/ I didn’t get very far. The prevailing myth that men can’t control their sex drives, even once in action and that females – even if DRUNK, HIGH and in this case PASSED OUT often indirectly give consent and ask for sex.

“Corliss[a Times movie critic] also reaffirms the patriarchal nostrum that slutty women consent to sex by default. He writes: “Brandi, who’s been in this position once or twice before, wants the sexual exercise, even if she’s not awake to take an active role in it — somewhere in her stupor, she’s feeling a rote rumble of pleasure.” So, even when she’s unconscious, she’s asking for it. “…

This film angers me further b/c it perpetuates the myth and clouds the already murky waters of consent. Though Ricky and others at the table attempted to downplay the importance of media and its affects on our lives.

“It is often expressed that direct and indirect messages given to boys and young men by our culture about what it means to male (dominant, aggressive, uncompromising) contribute to creating a mindset which is accepting of sexually aggressive behavior. Such messages are constantly sent via television and film when sex is portrayed as a commodity whose attainment is the ultimate male challenge. Notice how such beliefs are found within the vernacular of sex” …

And the woman who was paid upwards of 2 millions dollars to “act” drunk, high, passed out – while her co-actor simulates acquaintance rape in a recent interview downplayed not only the scene but in a sense date-rape as well –

…when we were shooting [the film], even the date-rape scene — or as I refer to it, “The Tender Love-Making Scene” — I just thought, “We’ll shoot it, but it’s not gonna be in the movie. I don’t have to worry about that one.” And yet there it is.” — Anna Farris (stars in the film) …

Farris implies that 1) the people making the film knew it was a date-rape scene – 2) that date-rape happens and that its okay to refer to it as “tender love-making” 3) that it stays out of the film b/c its not funny and in poor taste.

Another online critic was more ambivalent about the rape scene. The author is clear that this movie is no spring jaunt and is rife w/ …“dark, violent, and twisted, complete with startling scenes of alcoholism, heroin use, vandalism, borderline rape, child abuse, extreme profanity…” [my emphasis] The list of offenses is concrete yet the rape is still in question and “borderline.” When rape and sexual assault are up for debate even in this context (where the actress in the film called it a date-rape scene) the gray vale around consent prevails. And the target audience for this R-rated film:teenage boys – experts in sexual behavior, nuances, and great at making decisions (note this is sarcasm).

By keeping our definitions of rape locked into a “context” – “i have to see the movie first” – imply a gray area around consent. Let me be clear – I do watch Family Guy and laugh (which has much of the above laundry list in it as well – including rape in all forms) and that this is on network television where ANYONE can watch it and derive many meanings from it. I have only a few things to help my case in the this instance 1) its not a live action they are cartoon (which in a sense doesn’t help my case it makes the show more inciting to a younger audience in that format) and 2) that its never been marketed as anything other than a satircal smart comedy for adults only & not a romantic comedy for a mass audience. I also don’t think jody hill is talented enough to make a “think piece comedy” re: societal issues such as date rape and sexual assault (old woman being groped/fondled). hill’s meager defense places his movie on par with writes dealing w/ huge issues in artistic ways (nabokov’s lolita / family guy) – its hubris and also the joke’s on jody if he thinks his films can even compare.

I’m going to have to say that as a woman, at no point did I really think rape when I saw the trailer. I saw pathetic, awkward sex between a man and a woman that might be pushing it a little when it comes to the definition of consent.” …

Just because He [rogan's character] doesn’t think its rape, or that the viewer thinks that the definition of consent is pushed (at what point would this viewer draw a line – Necrophilia?)- it is irrelevant to the matter. His intent may not be to hurt someone but his actions have an impact. Rape is not defined by the person’s intent but rather by the impact. when we define rape on the shoulders of the victim’s responsibility to put up a fight (or in this case STAY AWAKE!) the person committing the sex act will always be innocent. to over minimize this think of it as a parking a car – you intend to park it in an authorized zone but it’s a street cleaning day and your car’s in the way – you still get a ticket. Intent vs. Impact is crucial to the ‘what is consent’ discussion.

the whole thing makes me angry b/c i don’t want to give this terrible movie any more press. even though Ricky still thinks i should see the movie b4 i speak out of turn…

and AdLady says “Forbes Global List 2000…”

AdGuy responds, “Sounds international”

and my inner voice was all Ty Bunny going “Check out the big brain on Brad”PulpFiction!

watch the clip here

I told her that i was on a rampage today – and that its best if I don’t talk to her EX-gf because like my mother always told me, “if you don’t have anything nice to say – don’t say anything at all.”

but then the bitch IMd me…

(sounds of cracking fists and knuckles)

[twat faced whore]: nice quote
[my away message @ my best friend - twat's EX]
[me]: do yourself a favor and don’t speak to me.
[twat faced whore]: just making a comment and [My BFF/her EX] isn’t exactly innocent in this whole thing either…

— pause here —
I laughed so loud I scared my dog – is she kidding me?

how pathetic can you be, IMing your ex gf’s friends?

What do you expect me to say really? “Wow geez, you are an insightful twat face. If you hadn’t told me this, I’d still be friends with your ex – how nice of you to bring this to my attention- why my friends suck! You are the victim in all this. Can i come over later and comfort you, maybe braid your hair…” really twat face, really?

part of me is sad for her – cause obvs she’ll never find anyone as great as my bff – obvs she’s going to take like EONS to get over herself and move on. breakin up is hard to do – but really get the fuck on with your life! Don’t you have friends you can talk to? oh, no i guess heartless twat faced whore’s don’t have those either.

i have seen your soul – it’s ugly and it smells.
— resume —

[me]:haha…i’m gonna be nice right now b/c i’m a forgiving person & ask you again to please, fuck off.