Femme Con : A recap in 3 parts (P.2)

Part I: Potential Pre-Requisite / Post-Graduate Femme Conference Courses

Pre- req: Managing FOMO 101
FOMO: directly translated as the fear of missing out. Indirectly referring to all the perceived fun times other queers are having with out you. Missing opportunities to meet the people of your dreams.

I’m lucky enough to live in a city that is chuck full of queer events. I live in varying degrees of FOMO depending on the day of the week (side note: why are Thursdays so fucking gay?). However, I was definitely NOT prepared for the extreme case of FOMO that accompanies this conference.

I brisked into the hotel lobby late Friday morning and instantly my belly fluttered with happiness! It was awesome to just be immersed in the femme. Glittery, bright & well placed signage lined the pillars of the lobby while adorned femmes and femme-allies (fallies? is that a word? I don’t think so, but let’s use it anyway!) strutted around. Howevs, this feeling was fleeting. I had just about a half-hour before my writing workshop, so I jumped at the opportunity to check out one of the morning sessions.

My ass was in the seat for .5 seconds before I thought to myself, “Hmm, whats going on in the conference room next door? Should I go peak in? What am I missing? Who is in there?” But before I could make my exit, a vision in fishnets stood up from audience to pass out class feedback sheets. “Omg Hi!!” None other then my pal from Femme Family NYC, Miss Arkansassy!! She’s one of those people I can only hold close in memory since she’s moved out of NYC to the big gay mecca (SF) and had I listened to this voice of FOMO, I wouldn’t have been drenched in her southern charm & warm hug.

To combat the kanye-bombing FOMO of my attention in any given workshop, I tried saying to myself “[WORKSHOP TITLE] is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Right now.” I do recommend a g&t to help this message sink in. Repeating this phrase at the impromptu cocktail & crab dip caucus held by these three funny femmes seemed relatively easier then at other times in the weekend.

general rules of thumb for managing FOMO

Post-Grad: Re-entry 101
Seriously. Spending 3 solid days with deep, foxy, and challenging femme/queer/&/or all around magical people (and in those spaces we created) is profound. Leaving that to chill with “the hegemony” and “the patriarchy” and “misogyny” on a queue 40 deep for the megabus is MEGA HARD. We need a guide out of gaydom.

Pre-Req & Post-Grad: I statements
Why do I feel it necessary to shoot my hand up first when the femme-in-charge of the “Failing at Femme” workshop (who is, side note, smarter then EVERYONE and a total fox.) asks “What is transphobia?” to the group? Why? What is it in me that assumes I am an expert on that topic? Cause last time I checked I’m a cis-gendered femme – thus – I HAVE NO IDEA WTF!! Sure, I could guess, I could attempt to name it. I can say “oh b/c I’ve seen it happen.” –> TO OTHER PEOPLE! But it is not my reality. I’m still pissed that I raised my hand and spoke first about this. Please accept my apologies in the form of this animated gif.

What I mean to say is, sure, my voice and insights could be valid. I may have an experience to share. But these types of questions are asked in a space meant for people who can identify then educate my ass! So I need to be open. I need to listen. I need to let others do the schooling. I’ve got to practice coming from a place of “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO ME.” I’ve got to work on not speaking from my gut – which is an entitled place of “I’M AN EXPERT CAUSE I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN TO YOU” place – in all circumstances. #Homework

Next up…Part II: Femme Scarcity Myth BUSTED! Alternate title: B$ in Babeland
Previously on Femme Con : A recap in 3 parts Part III: Hold me now, it’s hard for me to say I’m sorry.